Weekly Torah Portion

Someone I know shared on social media earlier today: “Time again to recognize all the Jewish women around the world who prepare a Thanksgiving-like feast for Shabbat – every single week!”

Indeed, thankfulness is a hallmark of Judaism and with lives busy with fulfilling mitzvos, we have many opportunities to hone our appreciation. The Hebrew word for gratitude is even embedded within the name of a Jew, yehudi. We are supposed to be thankful in all directions: chiefly to G-d, certainly to those close and so routinely helpful to us, but really also to anyone who benefits us in ways small or large. But how?

Dr. Sarah Algoe, a psychology professor at University of North Carolina, has studied gratitude for more than two decades. Writing in the Wall Street Journal last year, she noted a theme found throughout her research: even the most basic expressions of thanks can be very powerful. When someone feels valued by another person, they will think more highly of them and go out of their way to help them.

Dr. Algoe explained that nuances in showing thanks can make all the difference in doing it well. To begin with, even small shows of appreciation become really important building blocks to a high-quality relationship: a passing comment in the hallway or a simple, sincere text message. A relationship where people feel mutually valued is one that is prioritized and becomes relied upon in challenging times. And, the research shows, those kinds of relationships are the ones for which we are willing to make sacrifices.

Another finding was that it is most effective to focus gratitude on the other person’s contributions. Emphasizing the kindness or the way in which one performed it makes someone feel more valued than highlighting how much it helped the beneficiary. “Putting the ‘you’ in ‘thank you’” is the “active ingredient in why gratitude expressions make a difference for the people who hear them.”

Expressing thanks in public can also often be a key way to make someone else feel especially appreciated. Others will discover that the person being thanked is a generous person whom they will want to know better and themselves help him or her if they can. In addition, the person who is grateful will be further valued for acknowledging contributions.

These techniques are so important in how we thank G-d, too. To make our relationship with Him a fundamental part of our lives, we should thank Him routinely, specifically, and publicly as well. No breath of life, however seemingly uneventful, or good fortune, however small, is too insignificant to give gratitude to the One above whom we believe orchestrated it.

This year’s Thanksgiving may have passed, but especially as Jews, let’s hope that it helps us recognize the many blessings we have and to build even higher quality relationships with our Creator and those all around us.