We were recently in San Diego enjoying our Sukkos break together with my sister and her family. We visited Sunset Cliffs, one of San Diego’s most breathtaking spots. But that day, the ocean had some competition.

A couple nearby was getting engaged, and we somehow found ourselves with front row seats.

My family was thoroughly entertained. There was a tripod, an audience cheering and clapping, and quite a production underway. The couple tried one pose, then another, and then another. Apparently, getting the picture right required more than one take.

A proposal is one of the most intimate moments between two people. Yet I wondered: Were they capturing a memory for themselves, or creating a moment for everyone else?

Of course, I couldn’t know. But it left me thinking: How much of our happiness depends on how our lives look to others?

This week’s Torah portion, Bereishis, introduces us to the very first couple, Adam and Chava. To this day, one of the blessings recited under the chuppah, asks God to grant the bride and groom the same joy that Adam and Chava experienced together in the Garden of Eden:

“Grant abundant joy to these loving friends, as You bestowed gladness upon Your created being in the Garden of Eden of old.”

What was so special about Adam and Chava’s marriage?

One beautiful explanation is that Adam and Chava had no one to compare themselves with. They were the only two people in the world. There was no other marriage to envy, no seemingly better match. Each knew with certainty: This is my person!

Perhaps that is the blessing: to keep choosing the person beside us rather than imagining someone better. We don’t simply find a soulmate. We nurture that bond through kindness, attention, and commitment.

And dare I say, this message reaches far beyond marriage.

Whether married or single, at every stage of life, we each have a life to live, not a life to rank. Our circumstances, with their blessings and challenges, are the path God has given us to fulfill our unique purpose. Joy isn’t waiting in someone else’s life. It grows as we recognize the meaning and possibility in our own.

How often do we scroll through social media, past someone else’s relationship, family, home, or accomplishments, and suddenly feel that our own lives aren’t enough?

We don’t see the arranging and rearranging. We just see the picture, sometimes allowing it to diminish our own joy.

Meanwhile, our own blessings are waiting for our attention.

This doesn’t mean pretending every circumstance is perfect, ignoring pain, or accepting what needs to change. We can hope for more while appreciating what is here. We can ask what God is inviting us to nurture in the life we actually have.

This week, before comparing, perhaps we can ask: What in my own life deserves more of my appreciation and presence?

May we all merit a taste of that joy of Gan Eden, cherishing the people and possibilities in our lives without measuring them against someone else’s.

Our lives don’t need to look like anyone else’s to be deeply worth living.

Wishing you a beautiful and joyful Shabbos