Weekly Torah Portion

Recently I’ve been reading Good Inside: Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Dr. Becky Kennedy, a book grounded in the belief that children are inherently good—even when their behavior is hard to manage.

One of her most powerful teachings is that behind every outburst, tantrum, or moment of defiance is a child struggling with an unmet need or a big emotion. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have rules or boundaries. Those are essential. But our role isn’t just to correct behavior. It’s to pause and ask: What’s really going on here? What’s the most generous interpretation of what I’m seeing? The focus shifts from controlling outcomes to understanding what’s happening beneath the surface.

That shift has changed the tone in my home. Recently, one of my kids had a huge reaction over something that seemed small. In the past, I might have responded with frustration or tried to shut it down quickly. But this time, I paused and thought: This isn’t about defiance. This is a child who is overwhelmed. I was able to stay more grounded and respond with more curiosity and empathy.

What struck me is how closely this idea connects to a principle in Pirkei Avot (1:6): “Hevei dan et kol ha’adam l’kaf zechut”; judge the whole person favorably. The word kol – the whole person – is key. It reminds us to look beyond isolated moments and try to see the broader picture: the challenges, the emotions, the effort underneath the behavior.

It’s easy to extend that kind of generosity to people we barely know. Much harder is offering it to those we’re close with: our kids, spouses, parents. Harder still is offering it to people who we really disagree with, people who frustrate us, people who see the world differently.

But I keep wondering: What would the world look like if more of us practiced this? If we really believed that people are doing the best they can with the tools they have, and approached each other with curiosity instead of judgment? What kind of homes, communities, and conversations would that create?

It’s something I’m still working on. But I think it’s a question worth sitting with.