PARSHAS Chayei Sarah 5785
The Power of Pain
Aliza Nabatian
Co-Director,
JSU Central Florida
“I don’t want to have to be on medication in order to be a functional person,” my student confessed. We were having an emotional and vulnerable conversation about some of her struggles. She had grown up in a broken home. One parent was out of the picture and some other family members were grappling with their own complex, severe mental health challenges.
She knew she had gone through a lot of trauma and in therapy was advised to go on medication. She was adamantly against it.
This conversation remains embedded in my memory for two reasons. Firstly, because of her pain and how it seemed like there was no immediate path for her to emerge from it. Second, because of a conversation we had one year later.
With the help of therapy and amazing altruism from the Jewish community, she was able to receive the support she needed to put her life on a healthy, productive track. We were discussing which career field she wanted to pursue.
“I want to do something in the mental health field. I know that with everything I have gone through, I have unique experiences that will enable me to help others going through similar things.”
It is not unusual to want to share goodness one has received. What really impressed me, though, was her ability to take her difficult circumstances and view them as a tool to help others. In her mind, these hardships were no longer something negative, but had been transformed into something positive and productive.
Channeling hardship toward doing good is present throughout Jewish history. In this week’s Torah portion, Avrahams tasks his servant Eliezer with finding a wife for his son, Yitzchak. We learn through the commentaries that Eliezer was hoping Avraham would choose his own daughter for the match, but when he suggests this to Avraham, Eliezer’s proposition is harshly turned down.
We might imagine this rejection would be heartbreaking. Eliezer had served Avraham with utmost loyalty, fought wars with him, and was the second most righteous man at the time. All he wanted was to be more connected and have that relationship eternalized through the bonding of the two families. But his daughter was not deemed fitting.
Nevertheless, Eliezer goes on a mission and meets the woman meant for Yitzchak. When working to convince her family to agree, he admits that he wanted his own daughter as the bride. He is willing to admit that which could be embarrassing in order to highlight the specialness of their daughter. He used his personal pain as a tool to complete his mission.
Resilience is a trademark of the Jewish people. As a nation we have suffered greatly. Yet countless individuals have taken their suffering and molded it into means of supporting others.
A woman in Atlanta who struggled with infertility started an organization helping support Jewish women going through similar challenges. An Israeli jeweler whose son was murdered on October 7th began donating engagement rings to IDF soldiers ready to propose. People like these make the Jewish nation hopeful instead of helpless.
As we navigate difficulty, we can draw strength from our struggles and use them to make a better reality for ourselves and our entire nation.
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