Weekly Torah Portion

Well before I got married I made a point of reading several well-known books on relationships, such as Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus and The Five Love Languages, among others. Though it was to be many years until I met the person I would marry, I found these books interesting and engaging, and felt confident that the messages described within would be helpful to me in a future relationship.

Armed with this knowledge and a sense of predictable patterns and behaviors one can expect to encounter in a long-term relationship, when I became engaged in my early 30’s, I felt sure that building a good, strong relationship would be smooth sailing.

I soon discovered that it was one thing to read about these things in practice, but something else entirely to implement them in day-to-day life. When encountering trialing moments when feeling tired, frustrated or irritated (or all of the above), all those guidelines on communicating effectively seemed more elusive than ever.

I also discovered how my reactions and behavior affected not only myself but my husband too, and the atmosphere in our home, and later, our children’s well-being. The theory seemed more critical than ever. I was standing at the epicenter, and realized that the vision I had in mind for the kind of home I wished to create depended on me.

King Solomon’s words in Proverbs (14:1) often flash through my mind: “The wise among women, each built her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her hands.”

Rashi’s commentary links each half of the verse to two different women who feature in the story of Korach, found in this week’s Torah portion. The first, the wife of On son of Peles, was an example of a woman who used her wisdom to build and preserve her home. She is credited with saving her husband’s life physically and eternally, salvaging her household, as well.

She enlightened her husband that his involvement in a rebellion against Moses and Aaron was fruitless. She cleverly employed her femininity to prevent his colleagues from entering the house to collect him for the grand showdown – at which, ultimately, all those involved in the rebellion were swallowed alive by the earth. Of the original dissenters, On was the only one who did not attend – as a result of his wife’s wise persuasion – and his life was preserved.

By contrast, Rashi explains that Korach’s wife destroyed her household. She goaded her husband, complaining about the unfairness of the Jewish people’s Divinely designated leadership, and scolded Korach for having accepted a secondary role. She convinced him to challenge Moses and Aaron, and ultimately G-d.

Korach would never have started the rebellion on his own volition. He was content until he was conditioned by his shrewish wife to revolt. As a result, his whole family was obliterated, going down in Jewish history as among the nation’s most wicked villains.

Women have tremendous power and influence. As Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch highlights, this power proves itself in every domain, including in private, communal and public life. We determine the course not only of our own lives but of all those around us. We possess the G-d-endowed wisdom to differentiate between what is constructive or destructive for our home, and to avoid the latter.

Let’s employ this great power and wield it for the good of our children, spouses and ultimately, ourselves.