Weekly Torah Portion

Anyone who has raised children will surely relate to that phase in a child’s development so aptly labeled “The Terrible Twos.” All of a sudden your formerly sweet, generally cooperative toddler begins to display defiance, frustration – and of course, those dramatic tantrums. As fairly new parents we have been trying all the traditional methods of discipline – motivational sticker charts, time-out, prizes for good behavior, threats of not earning a sticker – to try and get our son’s behavior in check.

A friend and I were recently discussing the importance of nuances in language we use as parents, about how a single word can change the meaning – and effects – of a sentence. Using  “when” instead of “if”, for example. The difference between “When you clean up, you’ll get a sticker”, as opposed to “If you clean up…” may be subtle but is nevertheless important.

“If” makes a sentence conditional, where the outcome – like a sticker – is subject to terms being met. I am entering into a negotiation with my toddler! I am trying to negotiate terms that will prompt him to cooperate.

A “when” statement is different. There is no negotiation. I’m giving my son my word that his good behavior will be rewarded, while also demonstrating my confidence that he will surely behave.

We use “if” to introduce a possible situation. We use “when” to refer to the occurrence of a future event about which we are certain.

Although what often comes to me more naturally is to start negotiating (‘if you…), I try to make a real effort to rephrase this to a “when” statement with a more positive connotation.

In this week’s Torah portion we find an example of this same notion, except that G-d uses both types of statements to highlight a key contrast.

The portion begins: “See, I place before you today, a blessing and a curse. The blessing—so that [אֲשֶׁר] you heed the commandments of Hashem, your G-d… And the curse—if [אִם] you do not heed the commandments of Hashem, your G-d…”.

The word selected to introduce the consequence for obeying the laws is different from the word used for that of not obeying them. In the first case we have “אֲשֶׁר”, meaning “that” and also forms the core of the Hebrew word for “when.” In the second case, G-d specifically chose the word “אִם”, “if.”

With this single word shift, G-d indicates His trust and confidence in us. He demonstrates that the time will certainly come when we will receive the blessings and reward for keeping mitzvot. By contrast, the need for any punishments is introduced by the uncertain “if”, demonstrating G-d’s belief that we will ultimately not stray, and will observe the Torah.

Every morning, as soon as we open our eyes, we begin our day with the one-sentence prayer Modeh Ani. In addition to thanking G-d for another day and a fresh start, we say to G-d, “rabbah emunasecha” – “great is Your faith [in us].”

No matter what yesterday looked like, every day G-d demonstrates, much like a loving parent, that He believes in us and in the good we will do today.